The 4th day without My Man.

Finally I'm bek after six months.
Blogger really is my besties tat i can talk with.
Only blog can le me express all my real feeling.


No one can teach me how to do and what to do.
And no one can know and guess what's his thinking.
Only God knows everything.
God, can I have a talk with you?
I just need a moment.


Today is the 4th day without him in my life.
I feel so suffer and pain.
I lost myself. I lost everything. I lost my motivation.
I failed everything in these few days.
Without him, I don't know that what can I do right now.
I'm trying to rescue and replace the pain I gave to him.
But it seems not really work.
I not gonna to lose him.
God, tell me that this is just a test for us.
Please.. I do really love him and miss him so much.
I really put much effort on this relationship and serious with it.
I really hate myself now.


These few days I kept having gastric, can't get into sleep and no appetite to eat.
I only had 3 meals in four days.
What happen to me?
I'm not gonna let my friends(ting, annie wei and ivee), my mum and him worry bout me.
But I'm trying to eat and sleep, but not working at all.
Mum, I'm so sorry for these few days that I kept shouting at you.
But I not really meant it.
I just feel I don't want talk and don't want stay at home and let you worry about me.
Sorry for these few days you worried about me that I have no enough sleep and didn't eat.
I know you worry about me, I really know it.
Even you are having sickness, you also not care and worry me.
Mum, I really feel sorry to you.
Mum, you kept asking me that why I didn't cry that serious when broke up with my two ex.
I really don't know how I gonna answer you.
Mum, this time is my fault, I hurted him.
I hurted someone I love, someone I care, someone very important in my life.
But I broke his heart and also myself.
My heart very painful. The pain gonna kill me up.
I can't tell you all these things, I only can write it here.
Mum, please forgive me. I hope you can understand me in one day.


Ivee, ting and annie wei,
I really thanks to you guys in these few days,
I know all of you are really care about me, you guys really love me, and worry about me.
I really sorry, I really can't stop thinking about him, even a second or even I'm sleeping.
It really is a nightmare for me.
Even you guys have your own things to think and worry, but you guys still will stay beside me.
Sometimes I really feel so shy to you guys, kept disturbing you guys, so i only decide to come out alone.
No need worry about me, I used to be alone.


Bii,
I'm really really feel sorry to you.
But I know now, how many times I said sorry to you is useless.
I not really meant to lie you and hurt you.
Hurting you is equal to hurting myself.
I really hate myself, why I just think of myself on that day.
Why I just care my own feeling?
I spoilt our relationship by my own.
Its feel like killing me and you.
No one I can blame, I only can blame on myself.
I m really feel regret.
I really did our promises since we together,
Just on that day I very fed up.
Bii, I really sorry.
I don't hope you forgive me now.
I just need you to give me a chance to let me prove it.
Just a last chance for me.
I'm not gonna to lose you.
Even though we had been together for 28 days only, but I feel that its like few months already.
I really appreaciate the time we had been together.
I not gonna to let our relationship ended like this.
Bii, I 'm really sorry to let you worry about me.
But I can't control myself, I can't even accept this is a truth.
I hope everything happened now, all is just a dream.
I just only can lying to myself.
Bii, I really need you to stay beside me.
I want to take care of you.
I want you to be the guy that most happiness in this world.
I want to be your perfect gf, cause you are perfect to me.
I want to cook every meal for you daily, let you have a warm feeling when you're working or after working.
I want to help you massage when you feel tired.
I just want to give you all the best to you.
I just want to back to the past.
But I know you can't let it be.
Yesterday was our one month anniversary.
Our plan was spoilt by me.
Is me, really is me............................................................................................................
Bii, sorry.
I broke your heart.
I lost everything.
Please forgive me.


Yvonne
Miss and love you much.
11.6.12 (Day 4)
7.50pm