The 5th day without My Man

Again woke up early in the morning.
I was so tired but I can't get into sleep.
Why? Everyday woke up with tears.
But no one knows it.
People always said that once you wake up in the next day, it will be a good beginning.
But I don't think so. It's just a lie.

I want to listen to him to call me 'Bii Bii', but I have no chance anymore.
I miss the way he calling me, the way he kiss me, the way he hug me, the way he care me.
I miss everything that between I and him.
Now I only can listen back to the talkbox conversation between me and him.
It has our sweetest memories.
Lot of sweetest memories between us.
I gonna to find it back.
Lot of plans that we planned together haven't complete it together, I gonna let it be done.
But all those memories and plans, only left me alone to complete it.

Bii, although you can't forgive me and be with me, but I also don't want you because of me and be with someone that you already no feeling.
I don't want to be like this, I will be more suffer.
Do you know it?
I want both of us are happy, not because of want me happy and want me to forget you, and you went to be with someone that you don't like anymore.
But do you think before what's my feeling?
It's really is a hard feeling, it was torturing me.

Today I went to hospital.
My best friends, gastric came and visit me again.
Doctor wanted me to stay for a night, but I don't want.
I know that even though I'm in hosp, you also won't come and see me.
I don't want to have a fake hope, although I keep praying and hoping that you will come and see me.
Mum, I'm so sorry.
My mind was just thinking of him, I can't stop it.
I really need him seriously, mum.
Who can teach me what to do.
Is no one, really no one.

Night i also choose to be alone and went to Starbucks to have a drinks.
Starred on the road n thinking of him.
These few days I really feel so tired, only slept for few hours and late back to home.
Sometimes feel like I gonna faint.
But I have to stand still, cause i have to fight for him.

Is late night again.
Chatting with him with talkbox now.
Hope everything is going well soon.
God, just need your help.
Don't seperate both of us.
Thanks god.


Yvonne
Love you and miss you lot.
Gud Night
12.6.2012 (Day 5)
11.59pm